I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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