So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
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Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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