Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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