Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my shit smells like andre
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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