he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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