You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize