i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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