he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize