My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
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At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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