It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I could make wine with my vomit
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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