When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
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His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
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Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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