so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
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Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
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Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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