I just made out with a guy for $7.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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