As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This beer is not sobering me up at all
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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