I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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