If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sorry my hands just texted you
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize