Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize