can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
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All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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