The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He has the fingertips of a God
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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