Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
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Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
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I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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