It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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