singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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