Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize