what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
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It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And then he peed in my hair
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