you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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