Betty ford says i'm here all night
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize