worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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