Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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