My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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We're too hungover to prance.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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