Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize