it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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