ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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