I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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