i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize