I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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