he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize