Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize