3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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