i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
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I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize