so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
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I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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