I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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