New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize