I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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