what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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