she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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