I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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