sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
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Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
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Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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