Where did you get a picture of my penis
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize