worst night to have a conscience
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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