Where are you?
In a non slutty way
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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